Some Thoughts on Dealing with Death in a Changing Culture
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A working religion should help humankind understand death. It's debatable whether believing that a supernatural patriarchal god has taken away your loved one and put him or her in a heaven away really helps those who are believers in that idea. Nonetheless, it does little to relieve the pain and loss one feels. Those are natural feelings and require natural acceptance and thought process. |
Grief is natural and to tell someone not to grieve because their loved one is in heaven with angels actually may hinder their coming to terms with the death. Where is this heaven and why haven't the scientists found it with their telescopes. Why haven't the space shuttles encountered it?
For those who have moved on past the supernatural ideas, a more naturalistic approach works better. A healthier way to view heaven is that it is the experience of harmony you feel here on earth when you participate in a positive way with those around you to create a better world. You can create your own heaven by your actions and the reactions of others to your deeds.
In dealing with the death of a loved one, naturalistically, the loved one is gone from your external grasp, but lives on in your heart, memory, and soul. The influence the loved one had on you has been absorbed and will be reflected in your future actions.
Imagine an old growth timber tree in a forest, with a seedling growing below. The old tall tree protects the seedling from the harsh elements, allowing it to grow until it can accept the harsh elements on it's own. The old tall tree, overshadowing the seedling, gets all the sunshine, so the seedling can't really reach maturity, until the old tree dies. With the tree fallen, the wood rots and creates mulch and eventually soil for the seedling, which it ends up absorbing into it's own being. The seedling captures its share of the sunlight and so the cycle continues.
When a person dies, a physical and emotional hole is left for the survivors, filled with only memories. Channeling the memories and legacy of the person into a positive force going forward is a process that helps with the grieving. To know you are carrying on for that individual …
The grieving process comes naturally. A formal time set aside to grieve, with others the departed left behind, can help launch the transition from numbness and disbelief to actually resolving the problem of dealing with the loss. A celebration of the person's good qualities often gives you some morsel to take home into your heart where you can give it perpetual use in your interaction with others. In this way, the person's spirit lives on.
The formal funeral, wake or memorial makes it okay to cry, feel sorry for yourself, force yourself to remember the good qualities of the person. People experiencing loss for the first time might not know how to handle it, so a formal gathering ritual goes through the process when they are perhaps too numb to go through the process on their own.
As a living person, one should live in such a way that they will set an example to follow. Do things that matter to those around you. Make the world better. By living the best life you can, you leave a legacy that those you leave behind can perpetuate.
A naturalistic view of death is simply that it is the end to your life. For many, death is not the beginning of a journey to a supernatural holding place for spirits of the dead, as the western religions teach. Death is the end, so hopefully you make every day count and make some progress in this big drama we call life on earth, so that you leave your mark. By the end of your life, hopefully, you have helped humankind go forward.